Here I am...

Here I am Lord

Is it I Lord

I have heard you calling in the night

I will go Lord,

If you lead me

I will hold your people in my heart.

Growing up this was one of my favorite hymns, as an adult I find myself singing it in many situations, or humming it. My grandmother loved it, it's one of the songs we sang at my grandfather's last church service before he retired from active ministry and I just LOVE it.

We sang it before we left on most of our mission trips when I was a teenager as well, our congregation would gather around and sing it together before sending off the workers for a week.  It's memorable to say the least.

I found myself humming and singing it several times in the past week and I just felt like I needed to get this ALL out before I forgot. Because WOW. I have heard you, loud and clear.

So last night as I attended church, I have to admit I was dragging my feet.

Our new sermon series "The Hook-Up Culture" is quite controversial. It has the potential to really get underneath you and stir up those feelings you don't like. It's powerful, challenging, and although I appreciate it and understand it's importance...I was dreading this sermon on "social media".

I'll go ahead and admit it. I have an addiction to Facebook and Instagram. 

Can't stop. Won't stop.

So much so that I've truly considered it being what I "give up" for Lent this year...even though I've never truly practiced that tradition (if that's what you'd call it? belief?)

I digress...

Last night turned out to be so much more than I imagined. Whew. I hope they recorded it but I'm pretty sure they didn't. Our pastor has an amazing heart and I needed to be in that room and hear that sermon.  I'm not sure he followed his "plan" for the service, but man, God took over. I don't know how to explain it but he was IN THERE.

Saturday night service is usually smaller, relaxed, and a little more intimate, but always a little disconnected. There's not that sense of community you see on Sunday morning and I do think it's because most people don't make it their "regular" service (I go every other week due to my work schedule so I'm split between 2 services for my "community")

But last night we got together, and we prayed, and he moved us, and our pastor even cried. We had communion together and it was just beautiful.

What I got out of it? My loneliness can be combatted by joining a small group.

By finding that smaller Christian community of friends that I can talk to openly, to really put my feelings, sins, opinions, etc. out into the air. People who I can trust, people who I care about, who I can pray for and who will pray for me. I've been attempting to join a women's group but with the snow that hasn't happened BUT I'm determined.

I read a Proverbs 31 ministries devotional weeks ago on this same loneliness subject, and I believe we do live in a lonely society full of false friendships due to the ease of online interaction and community. I love the blogging community and instagram, but you also need REAL in LIFE, call and talk to, come give you a hug when you need it (or a bottle of wine) FRIENDS. 

When I got home the story continued.  I got Greyson ready for bed quickly as he wasn't feeling well, and he begged to read his Bible book before bed.

I recently bought him the children's version of "THE STORY" and I've been quite pleased with it! So far, so good :)

Last night? Our chapter was on Ruth and Naomi. 

And how Boaz came into her life. 

Tonight? Our chapter was on Hannah, Eli, and Samuel.

Greyson is named Samuel after my late grandfather...

But boy does that name fit him EVEN more.

I don't know every story in the bible. I grew up attending Sunday School and church weekly, but I didn't retain much from my childhood outside of Daniel in the Lions Den and Jonah in the Whale...and of course the birth of Jesus and his death and resurrection.

This may have something to due to with the many musicals and plays I was a part of growing up in our youth programs...but I wasn't much of a bible reader. 

I find no coincidence in the fact that these things happened in less than 24 hours. 

A God-instance.

I'm so thankful for the path that God has set me on, I'm so thankful for the community I DO have, and I'm so thankful for his LOVE for us!